The Life and Ministry of Raptor Jesus

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

I got a Facebook message from a friend that helped explain the true nature of the priesthood.

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Whenever I get a message in my Facebook inbox I get a little nervous. Usually it's someone complaining to me about something I've p...
4 comments:
Sunday, December 23, 2012

Raptor Jesus prays to Heavenly Father about kissing daughters on the lips. (Swearing)

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One morning while I was hard at work, I happened to stumble across a  Facebook post that is as follows: "My daughter ran to give dadd...
Thursday, December 13, 2012

I got stuck on the LDS Freedom Forum boards one day.

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Work was slow for me, which was good because I just wanted to be a sexy slug anyway. So I got tempted by the Adversary to check on the Fre...
Thursday, December 6, 2012

Raptor Jesus Goes Shopping

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Dearest Peeps, I would be re-fucking-miss if I didn't tell you about the City Creek Center experience that I experienced. One day ri...
2 comments:
Sunday, December 2, 2012

Raptor Jesus' guide to getting women in bed (Works every time)

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Occasionally I get prayers from Ex-Mormons about, "how to get [insert type of] woman into bed." Your cries have not gone unheard...
1 comment:
Saturday, December 1, 2012

Raptor Jesus is BACK! Blogging!

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It's been a long time. Too long. So long that it really isn't good to get into a long post right now. Instead here is a link t...
Sunday, December 11, 2011

Sexmas and the loss of Santa.

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One of the best things about Santa and Regular Jesus from a parenting perspective is the threatening you get to do with your children. ...
3 comments:
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About Me

Raptor Jesus
I am the real savior of the world. I went extinct for everyone's sins around 160 million years ago and Satanosaurus has been trying to spread his lies that the earth is only 6000 years old. I should really do something about that, but part of me is just too lazy to care.
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