100 years ago today (and each year it is ALWAYS 100 years), god was helping give birth to the greatest country that he has ever given us, but Satan was trying to thwart that by controlling the evil Britannica king Merryweather Fanncyfanny by inviting the founding fathers to a tea party. George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Jesus, and Captain Moroni showed up and king Fancyfanny tossed the hot tea RIGHT IN THEIR FACES!
It was an outrage! And war were declared.
As was the style at the time, the victor would be determined by a flexing contest. Gathering the finest oils and body glitter from France, the founding fathers rent their frilly blouses in twain and flexed with all their might.
Their shiny bulging muscles were too much to handle, and the Brits were driven back by sheer vascularity.
America had won it's Independence while the losers were forced to go door to door selling encyclopedias documenting their defeat.
Because of our heritage - this is why many American politicians are elected even today based on pictures of their rippling muscles.