Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Raptor Jesus' Guide to Eating Babies

Poor, Irish folk got you down?

Trapped in a post-apocalyptic nightmare where there's no food and ash falls from the sky like snow?

Or simply tired of the same three restaurants?

Try eating Babies!

As a raptor, we've known for eons how delightful eating babies can be.

Steal an egg from a nest - Deeeeeeeeeelicious. Or possibly cull the weak or diseased from your own hatch. Yum yum yum. There are many reasons to try a chewy child treat, and none of them wrong.

But what is the best way to eat a baby?

Well, freshest is bestest as they say. But babies only last for two years tops, so you'll need to have some back up ideas.

Try juicing your freshly caught chillins. Add some vodka for a kid cocktail after a long hard day.

You've earned it!

Add some worcestershire sauce and a stalk of celery for the most authentic Bloody Mary possible.

Freeze dried babies are not ideal, but they can make an acceptable caserole or added to make a child chilli.

Frozen babies last about as long as any other meat, so watch out for that freezer burn.


Fresh babies can be prepared any way you can think. Baked, grilled, fried, pureed into soup, or even Ba-By-Qued.

Only your imagination can stop you. Just remember, a baby in the pot is worth two in the backyard.

Bon Apetite!

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