'Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro' the MTC
Not a creature was stirring, not even to pee;
No stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
Because there was no way St. Nicholas would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their suits,
Listening to a devotional given by GA fruits,
My companion in his 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long devotional's nap —
When up on the podium there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the seat to see what was the matter.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But Donny Osmond, and his family so dear,
With a patronizing speech, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment that he was a dick.
He would spend the evening with his missionary son,
The rest of us though, this couldn't be done.
Because we were peasants and not royalty,
But Donny assured us this was not special you see.
Our family was all around us that night.
Our family WAS the MTC all right?
There was no reason for this to cause a ruckus,
But I learned that night how the GAs would fuck us.
If you are famous you get all the perks
Special priveledges is how the church works.
But this is a secret never to tell
Or they'll threaten you with some bullshit hell
His family was together and I was alone
But I knew then that I had been boned
Donny finished his speach, ironically right
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.