We all know that the American Revolution happened in order for god to give us the greatest country on the face of the world that he has ever given us.
And what makes this the greatest country? Well because this is the country that the gospel would be restored.
In seminary we learned that there is a scripture that hints that "Captain Moroni," the sexiest of sexy angels was most likely the one that fired the first shot.
Don't ax me to find the scripture that "proves" that, I'm not your goddamn scriptorian. Do YOUR OWN RESEARCH!
Anyway, I was thinking about that this morning, and I'm sure I know exactly how it went down.
The rebels were tensly faced off against those naughty Brits. No one ready to fire, when suddenly, out of the deafening silence a musket shot was "heard round the world."
Captain Moroni whips off his sunglasses and lights a cigar (since the WoW hadn't been enforced yet). He rises from his crouched position and hands his musket to a stunned rebel. Moroni begins to walk away, but turns his head. The smoke from his cigar billowing around him.
In a deep gruff voice he simply states, "You're welcome."
Suddenly music can be heard everywhere.
Shot through the heart!
And you're to blame
You give love
A Bad Name!