Sunday, January 30, 2011

Response to a Fundie response to my Power of Myths essay.

I originally posted the Power of Myth essay elsewhere, but I'm using this blog to archive all of the neat things that I have written in the past. This essay was so great that the heavens opened up and I got to meet god. He finally admitted that he was an asshole and will be checking into rehab. He's just going through a lot right now, and needed to borrow $20 for a cab ride home.

All I had was a $30 gift card to the Olive Garden at which point god responded, "Kill yourself. I wouldn't be caught dead there. Although most of the waitresses do know how I could score some more rock." And god was on his way.

No matter how cool I thought was because of my writing prowess, one poster was not happy with my insight.

Here's what was said.

"All of these ex-mormons who thoroughly believed in the myth of moromonism now declaring, "Behold, I am wise, listen to me as I know that of which I speak." Mind you, this is coming from people that were once no doubt completely duped (or dishonest or foolish), but we won't talk about that now.

HELLO... You were duped before. EITHER THAT, OR YOU WERE DISHONEST BEFORE.

Questions:
Insofar as spiritual matters go, what makes you the arbiter of what is truth v. what is myth now? Why the constant effort to equivocate the stupidity of mormonism with the Bible? Why should we trust anything you have to say about any part of the Bible? How would you know?

Given your spiritual background, your testimony cannot be trusted on spiritual matters. In a court of law, you would be what is called an "impeached" witness. No one has to accept what you say, and given your track record, the jury would be instructed to be very careful in assessing the veracity of your testimony. Sweeping conclusions by you would be sticken from the record.

Oh, I see, you took an undergracuate class in mythology and read a couple of books, and your mom thinks you're smart, so that makes you an authority on the matter. Right?

Some of you people forgot to leave the mormon ego behind when you left mormonism. Arrogance is putting it mildly.

RJ, I know this might be impossible for you, but I would appreciate a response that does not include any words that start with an f and end with a k. Thanks in advance!"


Once I was done weeping like a little girl-- but not because of this post. I was crying because I found out that Batman is not a real person. This information hurts me deeply. You have no idea how much I love Batman. Now it's not as much as I love Wolverine or Deadpool, but it's still WAAAAAAAYYYY more than I love the New Avengers. Seriously, fuck those guys. Laaaaaame.

Anyway, what? Oh, yeah. The post. Well, I had a lovely day watching Damages with my wife and then started drinking wine while I was cleaning the kitchen (it was gross), when I thought that my next "project" should be to take this post apart. So here goes:

Was I duped? Hell yes. I was BIC, so every week I was indoctrinated with Mormonism ever since I was born.

"Either that or you were dishonest." Haha. Nice false dilemma, but I'll let that one go because it saves me from having to address being a missionary and spreading this shit, and all those times I was a "teacher" for the church. Not to mention every time I lied in interviews about not masturbating or dry humping my girlfriend. So, let's just say I was duped and move on. Makes me look better, and I'm already an expert at that.

"What makes you the arbiter of truth vs. myth?"

I don't fucking know, Spider-man? I'm a human being who loves science and English Lit. I was a public school teacher for a few years, and while I left, I still believe strongly in education. If that's not a good enough answer ask my therapist, or maybe this poster should ask his priest. What makes his priest the fucking arbiter of truth vs. myth? Why am I the only one that should be asked this question? What about the poster? What makes him the arbiter of truth? What makes any of us the arbiter of truth? Maybe just being human makes us truth-seekers to some extent.

"Why the constant effort to equivocate the stupidity of Mormonism with the Bible?"

Well, because Mormonism is stupid and parts of the Bible are stupid. I mean, have you read that shit? Cover to cover? There's some really stupid shit in there. And there's some really fucked up shit in there too. And I should know about stupid, fucked up shit. I watched "Human Centipede" all the way through. People may like a lot of parts about the Bible, but they may not be reading the whole thing, because the whole thing has some really stupid parts. And like the Book of Mormon, the whole thing is booooooooooring.

Don't believe me? Well, did you read the whole thing cover to cover? Well, why not, you read Harry Potter cover to cover (and that evil book was about witchcraft)? Oh, that's right, getting through the Old Testament is like sitting through 8000 Sacrament Meetings back to back.

But go back to the old testament and re read about when god gets mad at the isrealites for NOT committing both genocide and xenocide. Go read the story where the prophet has two bears eat teenagers alive for making fun of the prophet's baldness. Where the daughters of a prophet get their father drunk to fuck him and get pregnant. Go read the passage after passage where slavery is completely acceptable.

But, raptorjesus, where are all these insane stories? Well, they're in the bible. If you don't know about them, then you didn't read the bible all the way through did you?

"Why should we trust anything you have to say about the bible? What would you know?"

I claim that the bible is full of stories that aren't to be taken literally. Gee, what would I fucking know about this? Oh, yeah. All that shit that the bible says happened that never did!

Adam and Eve? Nope. Sorry no genetic evidence of that. Especially not the fundamentalist claims that this happened six thousand years ago.

Human beings have been around a lot longer than that. And you don't even have to take my word for that. Even wikipedia got that shit right. Civilizations and other writings were in full bloom six thousand years ago. We have artifacts from Human hands and human writing, and human art from waaaaaay longer than that.

The bible claims that the whole world was covered in a flood. Again, no evidence, but it's odd that the Chinese, Mongolian, Native American, African civilizations didn't seem to notice. They were around then. Even the Egyptian civilization pre-dates the fundamental date of the flood. And that's where it supposedly took place if you read Hugh Nibley.

After the flood, comes Moses. Would be nice to see some archeological evidence for that dude. He was the Chris Angel of the Nile, mindfreaking all of Egypt with fantastical plagues and godly "magic." Yet, only the bible has that shit in it. Odd, that we have so much of the writings of the Egyptians, but no one bothered to write down all the horrible shit that went down during Moses. You would think that one person at least would update their Egyptian equivalent of a Facebook status.

"OMG!!! Frogs from the skies? WTF!!!"


"Given your spiritual background, your testimony cannot be trusted on spiritual matters. In a court of law, you would be what is called an "impeached" witness. No one has to accept what you say, and given your track record, the jury would be instructed to be very careful in assessing the veracity of your testimony. Sweeping conclusions by you would be sticken from the record."

Oh how convenient. I was the arbiter of truth, now I'm the witness. Ok, Mr. Mixed Metaphors, I don't remember that this was a spiritual court of law. I never got served. Who's the judge and jury? Is it judge Judy? She's a bitch. I mean, yeah, that white trash needs to be taken to town, but I call for a mis-trial. I mean this spiritual court of law isn't Vietnam, dude, there are rules.

Odd that my testimony is simply that the stories in the Bible never happened literally, and that's what makes MY testimony suspect. Ok.........so the book of Genesis happened because there's no scientific evidence that it did???

Sorry. I hate to be Captain Bringdown, but the truth is that there is no evidence to support the claims of most of the Old Testament. This might harsh your buzz and other bad 80's phrases, but evidence is evidence.

If you want to believe in the Bible. Ok. But all you've got right now is belief. That's it. History and archeology is not on your side for most of it.

And it's also interesting to bring in the distinction about "spiritual matters." Yeah, I have NO authority over spiritual matters because I don't know what that means anymore. But no one else seems to either. What a convenient defense. Well, the bible claims a bunch of shit, but those are "spiritual matters" so, you can't really talk about it. Shhhhh. Just trust us. They are "spiritual." Just accept it. But don't you dare look at anything that anyone else says it is "spiritual" like Buddhism, Mormonism, Islam, Zoroastrianism. Those are silly.

Sorry but if you believe in the literal truth of ALL of the Bible, then be prepared for criticism. If you want to claim that these matters are "spiritual" then don't shit on someone who says they aren't literal.

"Oh, I see, you took an undergracuate class in mythology and read a couple of books, and your mom thinks you're smart, so that makes you an authority on the matter. Right?"

I've been smiling at this all day, because this is probably the true crux of the matter-- the anti-intellectual stance.

How dare I read books! How dare I go to college! How dare I "know" shit! How dare my mom think I'm smart!

Well, my mom does think I'm smart. But she's not a fan when my Facebook profile pic is the photo-shopped image of Jesus wearing a "Tool" t-shirt.

And the internet thinks I'm smart too. The free I.Q. tests said I was a genius. Mostly because I took them several times, and experimented with the answers until I got them all correct.

But my undergrad taught me how to research. And my graduate degree taught me how to research and think better. I know what I know. And I'm at least honest about my knowledge. I know when something doesn't seem "true." I know how to look for verification.

But the psychology is interesting. Attack the messenger when you don't like the message. Take down the credentials so you don't have to accept the claims.

There's no proof to support the Bible to be taken literally. I'm not the only one saying it. If you want the Bible to be taken literally, get your degree in anthropology and prove it. The burden of proof is not on me anymore. It's the same with Mormonism. Taken literally and Mormonism makes very specific claims that cannot be backed up with archeology, genetics, and anthropology just to name a few.

"Some of you people forgot to leave the mormon ego behind when you left mormonism. Arrogance is putting it mildly."

So humility is about accepting "truth" without "facts." Sorry, that's what Mormonism taught me NOT to do. I was told my whole life just to trust people about ridiculous claims without looking into them myself. That humility was about not educating myself and not being "deceived by the learned." Those were the biggest deceivers. The ones that simply said 'trust me. You can't know with your 'mind' and your 'learning' and your 'education.'

If this is the definition of arrogance, than I'd rather be arrogant. Because the opposite would be ignorant. I spent my entire childhood and my young adult life being ignorant. I won't be ever again. And no amount of bludgeoning with passive aggressiveness will change my mind. You want to change my mind? Prove it! You want the "scriptures" to be the "word of god?" Prove it! All I see is a collection of myths, ramblings of megalomaniacs, and a desperate attempt to keep the masses ignorant.

What a fucking "loving" god. Too bad he couldn't be bothered to leave any evidence behind, or better yet, write it himself if he wanted to be taken so seriously.


"RJ, I know this might be impossible for you, but I would appreciate a response that does not include any words that start with an f and end with a k. Thanks in advance!"






Pretentious.

2 comments:

  1. "I'm a Mormon ad" on this blog has irony and hilarity written all over it. XD

    ReplyDelete