Saturday, April 16, 2011

Raptor Jesus goes Hometeaching in Logan, Utah.

Once upon a weekday dreary as Raptor Jesus became tired and weary talking with coworkers about church lore,

While discussing and gently nodding, there came a thought
That I felt worth sharing even though this idea
would label me a bore.

Quoth Raptor Jesus, "I hate my ward"

My coworkers were shocked, when calling them "Fascists!" And my coworkers implored,
"How can this be?
Your assertion must be poor!"

Quoth Raptor Jesus, "Nazis run my ward."

My spirit grew stronger and I hesitated no longer
I began to filling with rage while telling them more
About our bishops demands to keep spiritual score
Quoth Raptor Jesus, "I will home teach no more"

I filled in my coworkers with the details that as hometeachers we would begin by rapping, not just gently tapping, but full blown rapping, rapping on chamber doors.

And upon gaining entry, we would make observations that would fill in the families spiritual "score" about how often they would gather and discuss scriptural lore and kneel for prayer upon the floor.

Quoth Raptor Jesus "I will Hometeach never more"

Because after each monthly visit we would then gather for Hometeaching interviews, and the Elder's Quorum President would carefully note the score of how oft the family would discuss scriptural lore the President would always ask, "Of information I need more."

Quoth Raptor Jesus "Nevermore."

I felt disgusted that this church wanted details about how often a family gathers for prayer upon the floor and of this practice we were required to demand of them more. Surely I wasn't alone in feeling that this Bishop's morality was poor.

Quoth Raptor Jesus "Nevermore."

My protests were in vain, because I alone felt that this Bishop's decision making skills were poor all the other Elders were more than happy to side with him for this chore. But not I.

I was NOT this Bishop's whore.

I went hometeaching never more.

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