Thursday, February 17, 2011

The Book of Mormon (Part 3): God pulls the race card...and not in a good way.

Before moving forward with the...plot...of the Book of Mormon, we need to discuss some more priceless visions.  And also make some more cheap sex jokes--because the book is just fucking loaded with them.  And it is my job to release these huge loads all over the unsuspecting public.

So, last bat time and bat channel we were talking about visions.  And by we, I mean me, because you readers rarely comment on the blog.  Which is fine because I take your silence to mean "Raptor Jesus we sit and read in awe at your awesomeness."  Whatever.  Visions.

Nephi is a true prophet of god, and we know this because he has voices in his head telling him to kill that he follows through on, and he documents all the insane shit going on in his brain that deals with inferior races and justified genocide.  It's common knowledge.  If you do illegal, unethical, horrific shit, you are a criminal and terrible person.  But if god tells you to do it, you're a fucking prophet.  End of story.  Joseph Smith and Brigham Young took note of this and look what happened.  Marrying children? Check. Ordering the destruction of printing presses that were going to publish dissenting opinions? Check. Slaughter of innocents and blaming it on the Indians? Check.

Under normal circumstances these are terrible things.  But god told these guys to do this shit--so prophets.

But back to Nephi, I keep getting distracted.  Nephi has lots of visions about his people and the Americas.  See Mormons teach that Nephi and his brother's (so "Lamanites") descendants were the Native American Indians.  Well, kind of.  Mormons used to teach that the Lamanites and were the "literal"  ancestors of Native Americans, then they taught that they were the "principle" ancestors, and now they teach that they are "among" the ancestors of the Native Americans.  Confused?  Well, fuck you if you can't figure it out and keep track of the changes.  What do you know?

Goddamnit, distracted.  Anyway Nephi has some visions about the "Americas" and his "decedents" whoever the fuck they may be.  First he has this vision:

"And it came to pass that I beheld, and saw the people of the seed of my brethren that they had overcome my seed... (See? Overcuming his seed?  Haha! Gross! Sloppy seconds for sure!)...And it came to pass that I beheld, after they had dwindled in unbelief they became a dark, and loathsome, and a filthy people, full of idleness and all manner of abominations."  1 Nephi 12: 21, 23.

Now I know that you might be thinking, "Wait! So did Nephi/god just call the Indians "dark, loathsome, fithly, and lazy?"

Well, maybe.  Here's some more:

"And he (the lord) had caused the cursing to come upon them, yeah, even a sore cursing, because of their iniquity. For behold, they had hardened their hearts against him, that they had become like unto a flint: wherefore, as they were white and exceedingly fair and delight some, that they might not be enticing unto my people the Lord God did cause a skin of blackness to come upon them.
And thus saith the Lord God: I will cause that they shall be loathsome unto they people, save they shall repent of their iniquities...
...And because of their cursing which was upon them they did become and idle people, full of mischief and subtlety, and did seek in the wilderness for beasts of prey." 2 Nephi 21, 22, 24.

Wow.  Yup you just read that shit.  1.  God curses people who don't follow him with dark skin.
2. They are cursed so that they aren't "enticing to (god's) people.--God hates jungle fever.
3. Dark skin also causes "idleness, mischief, subtlety...etc."  So think of all the negative stereotypes you can about "dark skinned" folk.  Well, god made them that way...and if you don't agree with me, that's ok because I didn't write this, I'm just presenting it to you.  Plus, I'm presenting "scripture" to you.  I mean, would scripture lie to you?

And here's another great thing about god and dark skin:  It can be cured!  Or rather it used to be able to be cured. 2 Nephi 30: 6 states "and many generations shall not pass away among them, save they shall be a pure and delight some people."  This used to read in older editions of the Book of Mormon "shall be a white and delight some people." Meaning that god used to be able to change your race if you repented from your sins and joined his church.  But I guess god changed his mind after Michael Jackson because that didn't turn out so well for anyone.

Well, that's probably a lot to digest for one night and I only gave a few examples of god's race hating in the book.  But I will leave you with one other vision because I want to move past these books.  I know I neglected the kewl parts where Nephi breaks his steel bow and everyone gets pissed.  Yeah! A bow made out of steel!  That's waaaaaaay better than a bow made from wood! Why didn't anyone else thing of that?  Link had silver arrows to help defeat Gannon, but he should have had a steel bow instead.  Would have made beating Gannon much easier.

Ok, one last vision.  Nephi sees Christopher Columbus being moved by the spirit of god to come and discover America.  I'm not making this shit up! It's in 1 Nephi 13: 12-15.

This might give you pause, "why would god direct a man to 'discover America' who would only murder, rape, and enslave the locals?"  Well, remember, god fucking hated the Indians.  He cursed them and called them "filthy, loathsome, lazy, and sneaky."


1 comment:

  1. Dear RJ,

    As a nevermo who wishes to preserve what's left of his brain at 50, your version of the Book Of Mormon is the hearest I'll ever get to reading it, but I feel a burning in bosom which confirms to me the truthiness of your vision.

    Thanks for lots of laughs - and best regards to Mrs. RJ

    Tom Landon (Soft Machine on RfM)