Thursday, May 19, 2011

The constitution will hang by a thread

Mormonism has many "doomsday prophesies" in its folklore.  One such states that, "the American Constitution will hang by a thread and the Elders of the church will save it."

With the elections coming up and many Mormons very sad that President Obama is President using his Presidential powers to complete tasks for his Presidency, some Mormons think that this prophesy is about to come true because of Mitt Romney running.

As we learned in Star Wars though, prophesies can be misread and maybe the whiny little bitch isn't the Chosen One - or bringing "balance to the force" means slaughtering all the Jedi in training children.

So maybe this prophesy will come true, but will look like this:

Like, maybe a giant spider breaks into the archives and steals the constitution and then puts it into a web to ransom it off for coke money.

Meanwhile a group of elders in New Zealand find the sword "Sting" and then go to battle the giant spider and when they get into the den they chop up the web and the constitution is hanging by a thread and they are all like, "No!!!!!"

And the spider is all like, "my coke money!" So then the spider goes to eat the constitution because if he can't have it no one can. And so he snips the last thread and the constitution is about to fall in the lava (did I mention that there was lava because that's important?)

And one elder says, "Noooooooooo" and jumps after the constitution and the other elders say, "Nooooooo" and they stab the spider to death.

And the first elder gets the constitution but is hanging on the ledge and the other elder is like, "Nooooooooooo" but he gets the constitution, but the other elder falls into the lava and they both are like, "Noooooooooooooooo!"

Maybe that's how that prophesy works.

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